Friday, May 26, 2006

Recovered phone

Last week, I had my phone stolen out of a friend’s car. It was in the glove compartment and someone broke the window and took everything in the glove compartment. For those of you who know phones, my phone was a w600i Cingular phone. For those of you who don't, they run $300-$400! I reported it stolen and then bought a new phone. I immediately went to the Cingular store in C"h and told them that if anyone comes into the store with that model phone to get it activated he should look at the pictures or music and see if its mine.

Well, today, I got a phone call from store manager. He told me that the "headset I ordered was in." I didn't understand right away but after he went on saying the blue or orange (the colors of the 2 frames on the phone) headset he ordered was in and I should come pick it up. Finally I understood and asked him if the guy who has the phone was in the store. After confirming this, I told him to hold the guy there and I was on my way over. On the way I saw a friend that is in Shomrim and asked for his help. He called the cops and the rest is history.

In the end, I got my phone back, thanks to a very alert store manager, thanks David!!!

Friday, May 12, 2006





Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail":

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.
When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More on the Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks.
"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 year. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

I say we should adopt this mans ideas around the country and watch the crime rate drop drastically!

fun things to do in a walmart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares ... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

"Ladies and gentleman the plane has just fallen apart"

I recently flew to California for a week, generally when I fly to California I do it on Jet Blue but tickets were almost $800, and I had mileage on American so that’s what I flew.

As we prepared to leave the terminal I thought to myself that although the seats were small, I’m close to 6 foot, and the video screens on the ceiling were dying, at least the flight was on time and the stewardesses were polite, friendly and helpful. I was seated in the window seat next to an old couple who seemed to be in their mid 80s, I like to talk on the plane as it helps to pass the time but when I tried to strike up conversation with my geriatric neighbors they got this really scared look in their eyes and gave polite, curt answers their eyes darting around as if looking for escape. Now people who know me know that I am very friendly and easy going, intimidating is not usually something I list on my resume but what you gonna do?

We begin to taxi out of the terminal when our captain comes on the intercom “ladies and gentleman, this is Captain McEnroe speaking I’ll be your captain for this flight, we’re gonna be flying via… over states such as…,” at which point his voice starts to sound like Jerry Seinfeld in my head – “I’m gonna eat my peanuts now, not all of them because the bag is so big…” (For those of you who don’t know what I’m referring to I recommend you check out Seinfeld’s stand-up routine it’s very funny.)

As the captain is finishing his standard speech we hear him say “hey one of our transponders just stopped working”, at which point a stewardess runs to the cockpit to tell him that we all heard that! So he comes back on to say, “ladies and gentlemen it’s nothing to be concerned with, the transponder is the device that communicates with the towers on the ground and every plane has a backup transponder, so we’re in good shape.” Ten minutes later however, he’s back on the intercom telling us that “the second transponder just blew, so we need to return to the terminal to get it fixed/ replaced, but it should only be about 15 minutes.”

Well naturally no one is allowed to leave the plane and we all watch as the mechanic comes and leaves followed by the captain telling us that “the transponders are fried” and “they are having trouble locating a replacement unit”, but “be patient it shouldn’t be too long”, at this point I pushed the call button to get a stewardess’ attention and asked her if it would be possible to get the entertainment started to pass the time, but I was told that it’s against regulations, which is a bunch of BS as Jet Blue has the TV going as soon as you step onto the plane.

After a long period of time our favorite captain comes back on to tell us all that “the transponder is in and working fine” but we need to wait for the “gas he ordered to arrive.”
At this point everyone says something to effect of WTF! He was about to take off without gas?! I turned to the old couple next to me and say, “but he has some good news, he just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico,” which actually made them laugh followed by the darting eyes and nervous smiles.

We finally took off at 9:15 PM (the flight was scheduled to depart at 5:00 PM) with me saying T’filot Haderech (prayer for safe travel) with the most concentration I have ever had in my life, and once we reached the cruising altitude the stewardesses came by to sell us headsets for the movie and entertainment portion of the flight, I couldn’t believe that after keeping us on the ground for over 4 hours they were gonna charge us for freaking headsets! I asked what movie was playing and then declined to pay for “rumor has it” starring Jennifer Anniston, letting it be known that I would rather saw my own arm off than watch that crap…

Anyways… after an otherwise uneventful flight we finally land in LAX and are forced to taxi for half an hour because no terminals were available, I finally got off of the death trap I had entrusted my life to at three thousand feet in the air.

To make a long story short, the baggage compartment on the plane was jammed so we couldn’t get our luggage; mind you they only said this after waiting 45 minutes.

At this point I thanked G-D that the plane made the flight and went home 5 hours after I was supposed to get there….

NEVER AGAIN WILL I FLY AMERICAN and thanks to Renegade I won’t be flying southwest either.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

AAAnnnndddd... wer'e back!

Sorry for the delay been busy and stuff, insert usual excuses here, but im back and hopefully will be bloggin again on a regular basis.

oil changing by gender

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OIL -stolen from bezerkely


1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.


1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil

2. lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.

3. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

4. Open a beer and drink it.

5. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

6. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

8. Place drain pan under engine.

9. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

10. Give up and use crescent wrench.

11. Unscrew drain plug.

12. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

13. Clean up.

14. Have another beer while oil is draining.

16. Look for oil filter wrench.

17. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.

18. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

19. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

20. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.

21. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

22. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

25. Remember drain plug from step 11.

26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

27. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

28. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

29. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

30. Begin cussing fit.

31. Throw wrench.

32. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left, uhhh, arm, yeah lets go with arm...

33. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

34. Beer.

35. Beer.

36. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

37. Beer.

38. Lower car from jack stands.

39. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

40. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

41. Drive car.

Because of Yirmi

I know but whatever....
You Are 7 Up

Understated and subtle, people warm up to you slowly.
But once they're hooked, they can't imagine going back to anyone else!

Your best soda match: Diet Coke

Stay away from: Mountain Dew

Saturday, March 25, 2006

The power of prayer

God punishes us mildly by ignoring our prayers and severely by answering them. ~Richard J. Needham

"Give us this day our daily bread" is probably the most perfectly constructed and useful sentence ever set down in the English language.
~P.J. Wingate

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.
~Søren Kierkegaard

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
~Author Unknown

MBD addresses the masses

This clip is entitled "MBD throwing a tantrum", but I have to agree with him.
Many of you may not know this but there is little money in making a cd especially in the Jewish music industry, the money is generally in the concerts. I know of an artist, I believe it was the one that made the "solid gold" series, who said he lost money on his cds! He only makes them because he wants to spread his music. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of copied cds, but if I like the cd I go out and buy it. What I am doing may be wrong, but at least I buy the cd if I plan on listening to it again.
So a bakasha nafshis from the Jewish recording industry, don't steal, if you want the album buy it.

Now I know alot of you are going to bring up the fact that the prices of cds are outrageous, I agree unfortunately the cost of producing a cd compared to the amount of money brought in by sales sometimes doesn’t even break even.
So, for the music lovers who want to continue hearing new music, let’s help the artists out. If they can continue to afford to make music, we are the ones that end up benefiting in the end.
Mucho Gracias,

Some things are just wrong...

I think the pic says it all.

Monday, March 20, 2006


I recently got into an argument with my parents about the wrongs and rights that "this generation" does.

We spoke about everything from going to theaters to shooting pool, karaoke and bars.
On some issues I agreed with them, others... not so much.

In middle of the conversation / argument my father said something that I had heard on many occasions that really gets to me. He said: "Back in my day even the worst Bochurim didn't do these things, and while they might not be wrong per se, what liberties will the next generation take if you do these things? What's the next step?"

I have a few issues with this logic:

A) I know many people that don't watch TV, don't listen to (non-Jewish) music, don't and have never had any non-Jewish material in their house at all, and yet their children go behind their backs as children, and openly once they grow up, doing more than I would ever dream of, and I was raised with all of this.

B) Things change! I'm not saying I buy into the "we must change our religion to fit with the times" logic, but the way we conduct ourselves on a daily basis does change with the times. "Men darf leben mit dem tzeiten" in a way (sic).

C) Is it really fair to put the weight of a generation on ones shoulders? How much responsibility can one be expected to uptake and uphold?

So what are your thoughts on this matter? Is there validity to this logic? Is this the way we are meant to live?

Once again ending off confused,

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Politically Correct Purim story

Thanks Yirmi for sending this my way:

Chapter I

And it came to pass in the third year of the reign of Achashverosh, King of
Persia, that the King threw a great party. And it was during that party,
that the King became intoxicated and called for his wife Vashti to come
dance naked in front of the guests. Now, Vashti was a liberated woman, and
was not at all ashamed to display her body in public ("my body, my choice,"
she used to say). But she was certainly not going to do so at the behest
of a male chauvinist like her husband. So she refused to appear, and the
following morning, in addition to a major hangover, Achashverosh had one
royal-size sexual harassment suit waiting for him. Public opinion quickly
turned against the King, and he was forced to settle out of court for an
undisclosed sum of money.

Chapter II
It was after those events that the King missed Vashti, and wanted to find a
new wife. He consulted his inner circle of advisors, which, in accordance
with multi-cultural practices, consisted of, among others, one woman, one
Indian, one Ethiopian, and one handicapped person, who was also rumored to
be gay. One of his advisors, Memoochan, suggested holding a beauty
contest, attended by all the fairest maidens in the land. But his female
advisor informed him that Memoochan was a Neanderthal living in the dark
ages, and that beauty contests where men gawk at women walking around in
swimsuits had long ago gone out of fashion. Instead, she suggested giving
a test in such subjects as physics, literature and music, and the most
intelligent woman would be made queen. And the King, already lagging in
the public opinion polls, had no choice, and he said to make it so.
Now is just so happened that in the Kingdom of Persia there lived a young
Jewish girl named Esther who was very beautiful, but much more importantly,
had a 195 IQ. Having successfully sued her parents for termination of
custody, she had been living with her uncle Mordechai. Esther aced the test
and was chosen to be the new queen. Only, the homosexual community
objected the word "queen", and the feminists didn't like the whole
gender-based title thing, so it was decided that she would just be called
"Royal Person." So Esther was crowned Royal Person of Persia and was
married to King Achashverosh, though she kept her own last name. And being
that Esther was an intelligent woman in her own right, and had no intention
whatsoever of sitting quietly next to the King looking pretty, she was
given her own staff of 15 and an office in the west wing of the palace.

Chapter III

It was after those events that King Achashverosh elevated his advisor Haman
to be his chief advisor. There were some protests by the African-Persian
community because he hadn't selected an African Persian to be his top
advisor, by the appointment went through anyway. It turned out the Haman
was a big anti-Semite, and he asked the King's permission to kill all the
Jews, which he got. So Haman sent out a proclamation to all the lands in
the kingdom outlining his plan. Distressed, the Jews sought a court-issued
injunction to stop Haman from sending it. But Haman was defended by the
head of the Persian Civil Liberties Union, who ironically was also Jewish,
and who claimed that the injunction would violate Haman's right to free
speech. And the injunction was not issued, so the proclamation was sent.

Chapter IV

And Mordechai knew of all that had happened, and he donned a black ribbon
as a sign of mourning. And Esther sent a messenger to Mordechai to console
him, but he would not be consoled. Then Mordechai sent word back to Esther
that she should go the King and ask him to stop the impending killing of
all the Jews. Esther replied that other social issues, such as the
environment and harassment in the workplace were more pressing, but
Mordechai persuaded her as to the urgency of the matter, and she agreed.
Mordechai suggested calling all the Jews to synagogue for three days of
fasting and prayers, but Esther thought that was way outdated, and instead
called for a non-denominational candlelight vigil, and it was so.

Chapter V
And it came to pass on the third day that Esther put on her smartest
business suit and went to see the King. The King offered Esther up to half
his assets, which he was actually required to give her anyway, based on
their pre-nup. Esther told the King that she had come to invite him and
Haman to a big party she was throwing the next day. The King was very
excited, and both he and Haman showed up to Royal Person Esther's party.
The King, for his part, was careful not to violate the out-of-court
settlement he had made with Vashti, and there was none of that "dance
naked" stuff that night. The party was a big hit, with performances by
Fleetwood Mac and crowd favorite Barbra Streissand. And Esther informed
the King that both he and Haman were also invited to her next party, being
thrown the following day on Martha's Vineyard. Upon leaving the party,
Haman spotted his old nemesis Mordechai, which ruined his night. Haman's
wife advised Haman to build a gallows 50 amot tall and ask the King to have
Mordechai hanged the next day. She further advised him to quit referring
to her as "Haman's Wife." And he built the gallows.

Chapter VI
That night, the King had trouble sleeping. He called for his servants to
bring him a video to watch, but since having gotten rid of all his stag
films as part of his sensitivity training following the Vashti debacle, all
they had left were a bunch of movies filmed in Montana and introduced by
Robert Redford. So they brought him the royal archives instead, and there
he read that Mordechai had done him a big favor a few years back. Just
then, Haman came in, and the King asked him what to do for someone to whom
he owed a favor. Haman suggested maybe an ambassadorship to some
insignificant but warm-climate country, or maybe letting him spend a night
in the palace's "Lincoln Bedroom." But the King decided to have Haman lead
Mordechai around on a horse throughout the streets of Shushan. However,
the animal rights activists got wind of the King's plan, and they went
nuts, so it was decided that Haman would just lead Mordechai around on
foot. And it was so. When he was done leading Mordechai around, Haman
walked home, despondent. But no sooner had he returned home than the
King's messengers arrived to bring him to Esther's second party. Haman's
wife realized that her husband was doomed and commented that she had always
known he would never amount to anything.

Chapter VII

And the King and Haman came to drink with Royal Person Esther. And it was
during the party that Esther shocked the King by telling him that someone
in that very room was plotting to kill her and all the other Jews. "Who is
that man?" yelled the King. To which Esther replied "What makes you so
sure it's a man? You don't think that a women is capable of killing all
the Jewish people?" After an awkward silence, Esther told the King that it
was, in fact, a man, and it was none other than his chief advisor Haman!
The King stormed out in a fit a rage and meanwhile Haman begged at Esther's
feet for her to spare his life. He told her how he had grown up in a
broken home, was raised by a crack-selling mother and had never had a
normal childhood. Esther declared Haman to be a product of society's
failure to protect its children. So Haman's crime of "attempted genocide"
was reduced to "issuing proclamations without a license" and he was given
the relatively light sentence of five-to-seven years. After serving just
two years of that sentence, he was given time off for good behavior and
paroled. And the following year, the residents of Shushan elected Haman as
their mayor, his being a felon notwithstanding. Meanwhile, Esther
convinced the King to come to terms with his anger and latent feelings of
hostility towards women, and the King entered a 12-step program and when he
was through, his anger had subsided.

Chapter VIII

That day, the King gave Esther Haman's house, and she told the King that
Mordechai was her uncle. And Mordechai asked the King's permission for the
Jews to rise up and kill their enemies. But Esther would have no such
thing, and instead, she arranged for a dialog being the Jewish leaders and
the leaders of the people of Shushan. And while they couldn't overcome all
their differences, they did agree to joint-author a letter of mutual
acceptance and tolerance.

Chapter IX

And in the twelfth month, the month of Adar, on the day when the Jews were
supposed to have been exterminated, the Jews held a three-day conference of
the Leaders of Jewish Organizations. And during that conference, they
agreed that a holiday should be established-the holiday of Purim. A
holiday of charity and gift-giving. A holiday of brotherly love. A holiday
where alternate-side-of-the-street parking rules would be suspended. A
holiday where Jewish kids could dress up like Ninja Turtles and Power
Rangers and not have to feel that they had missed out on something by not
celebrating Halloween. And a proclamation was sent out to all the King's
lands, in all 127 languages, plus Ebonics. And the Jews were careful not
to mention G-d's name, lest any of the gentiles be offended.

Chapter X

And King Achashverosh-the kinder and gentler King Achashverosh--levied a
tax across the land, to raise money to pay for welfare and public
television. And the great deeds of Royal Person Esther and her uncle
Mordechai were duly recorded in the annals of Persia.

Purim Designated Driver

I needed to get outa the heights so I figured I'd go home with a couple of friends for Purim. Purim day one of my friends decides it would be fun to go bowling when we are trashed, since I was the only one that had vehicular access I was designated the Designated Driver.

Can you imagine this $h1t here it's a holiday where we are told to drink ad d'loh yodah and I have to stay sober? I decided to be a good sport and only drank a little so I would be ok at night. Well by the time the seuda was over my friends decide they don't feel up to bowling! So I was sober and bored!

Anyways hope your Purim was a little more inebriated,

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I have alot on my mind right now that I want to blogg about, but I don't have the time to formulate my thoughts, to sit down and truly express my feelings.

I really needed a pick-me up today when THIS was sent my way, I hope it has as big an impact on you as it did on me...